We all have the chores we love and those we hate. Take out the trash? Sure, no problem. I'll do laundry; I'll scrub a pot. No issue there. But mea culpa-- I suck at putting things away. When I choose to live (like a dirty college kid) out of a laundry bin of clean clothing rather than putting the clothes away in my closet, Mrs. Cheese sighs, huffs and puffs, and shows general disappointment. But at the end of the day, that's my mess and I live with it. The trouble is with the family/kids stuff I hate putting away.
The task that I hate the most is emptying the dishwasher. We lazy men grow accustomed to some stupid stuff-- and I confess-- in my pre-moving-in-with-Mrs.-Cheese days, I would often load the dishwasher, pull clean dishes when I needed them, and leave the "dirties" in the sink until they piled up enough that the dishwasher needed to be loaded again. I'm not proud, but when you're young and only responsible for yourself, the plan has a simple elegance. Use what you need when you need it, clean what needs to be cleaned when it takes up too much space.
Jim Gaffigan asks in a silly voice - "Is this article mis-titled? Why does he keep talking about putting things away? This guy sounds creepy...and pretty dirty."
Okay. Get to the point. I already hate the dishwasher, and now...every piece of kid gear is intricate and has no less than 16 pieces. Seriously? A milk sippy cup straw needs 3 parts? There is no more annoying task than putting away kid food gear.
Recipe for Packing Twin "School" Lunch when Mrs. Cheese is out of town
Ingredients:
1 Disgruntled father (preferably clothed beyond "wake-up materials")
2 Lunch boxes
2 Sippy cups, all 16 parts needed
8 One inch size food containers (lids required. apparently...)
4 cups, 2% organic milk
Whatever non-perishable items you can acquire from your seemingly full, yet remarkably disappointing, refridgerator/freezer/cabinets
Step 1: Remember to pack lunch at 11:00pm with lights off...in bed...needs to be done before leaving for work at 6:40am. Decide "now is not a good time." F---.
Step 2: Set alarm for 5 minutes earlier.
Step 3: (iphone alarm ringing...) Snooze button. 1x.
Step 4: Do morning get ready for work routine.
Step 5: Open dishwasher-- realize you suck at life and didn't empty it night before.
Step 6: Spend 12 minutes assembling kid materials - pre food. Spill proof? Ha.
Step 7: Curse the stars. The Greek God of kitchen work. My own irresponsibility. My wife's employer for taking her from me.
Step 8: Settle on PB&J. Assemble.
Step 9: Settle on goldfish. Bag.
Step 10: Settle on grapes. Devine. Put in container.
Step 11: Assemble milks.
Step 12: Get in car. Promise self you won't be so irresponsible the next time you're in charge.
Step 13: Wait 2 weeks. Repeat.
-Get the wife to prep and freeze in advance. Sandwich, broccoli, berries, even drink!
ReplyDelete-Prep small bags 'o stuff in advance - like hundreds of them! Veggies, fruit, crackers.
-Have the kids do it themselves after dinner the night before (or just throw in leftover dinner into the lunch box. Teachers never know.)
Abandon your pride of reputation with teachers. I know one preschool teacher whose student brought an egg salad sandwich every single day for a year. Adopted from an underdeveloped country (the student), the teacher rationalized it was probably better than whatever she was previously eating. See what teachers think?
-Have the nanny do it as part of her job description.