Bond... Baby Bond

My main goal pertaining to food and my children, is to ensure that mealtime is an enjoyable experience. I want them to love dinning as much as my wife and I do. Deeper than that, I want to teach my daughter why we don't throw our food across the room and hit the dogs in the head with our water bottles, without losing my mind. Deeper than that, I really want meals to be a time for connection and bonding with my family. Deeper than that, I have some jealousy toward my wife in regards to breastfeeding and the bond that she has achieved with our kids. It's taken me the better part of four months to truly feel bonded with my son, the same was true with my daughter. I've obviously felt connected to them but it wasn't until I was responsible for mealtimes and feeding schedules that I felt that unbreakable bond. I understand that there are numerous hormonal elements to this phenomenon that leave me holding the short end of the stick. I also realize that I can make mealtime a nurturing experience with the right intention and mindset as we move on from milk to pureed foods to finger foods and beyond.

Mealtime with my 21 month old daughter is at a good stage. It's messy still. Avocado and oatmeal hair treatments are a regular thing in our house. We are getting past the "throw everything that isn't nailed down" stage. We Skye regularly with Grandma Tiger in Seattle at lunch time. It is heading in the right direction. She is eating healthy foods and interacting with the family in a positive way while she eats. The puppies still need hardhats from time to time but they forgive easily and think my daughter is an amazing food machine providing all kinds of delicacies. I can see that my focus on feedings is paying off with her. I want the same for my son.

I find breast feeding fascinating. It's a visceral, sweet and touching thing. There have been moments when I can actually see the hormonal love fest going on between my babies and my wife during feedings. Sure I get a hit of that when I bottle feed them but it's not the same as the milk actually coming from your body! This is just reality, the natural order of things and it is OK with me. My options for dealing with this are, succumb to the jealousy and secretly carry a grudge around for the next 50+ years allowing it to chip away at the foundation of my marriage and my relationship with my kids. OR, I could support my wife in her breast feeding. I can make sure that her breast pump equipment is clean and ready to go, her ice pack is frozen and ready to keep the milk she pumps cold throughout her work day. I can listen to her with compassion when she talks about the cold, sterile store room she has to pump in at her firm. I can urge her to breast feed in public if she wishes to do so. I can tell other people to go take a leap if they are uncomfortable with the sight of a woman feeding her child. I can also make the most of my opportunities to feed my infant son his milk while I have the opportunity. I can look him in the eyes while he drinks and feel that connection instead of propping the bottle up and watching ESPN Fantasy Football Live.

 If what I want is to have pleasurable meals with my family and have my children enjoy dining as my wife and I do then I can start now in the way I support her and the breastfeeding connection and the way I bottle feed my son and the way I feed my daughter in her highchair. So far, so good.